Saturday, June 23, 2007

this update wont matter cos no one reads this anymore.so in some sense i guess it's ok if i spill.

oh wellls.living as a bummer was fun initially,but not it's just getting to me.i'm bored and broke.

life's....crazy

there's a lot of things going on and i never seem to settle them.i dont think before i act.i am spontaneous and confused and uncertain and..

empty?

i dont know.i just dont like this feeling.i dont know how to describe it but i just dont think i'm very happy now.and its like whatver decision i make i'd be affected..oh goshh dumb fuckk.

so much for blogging and pouring it out.i figure i dont really want people to know what's going on cos they're gonna judge and talk and all that jazzzzzz.

so lets keep this shit low key.

4:05 AM

Saturday, October 07, 2006

ok like hello.this is random since i seldom update now.so sorry peeps.i'm online all the time,just tt most of you all dont see me cos i'm on appear offline.i dunno why i'm like distancing myself from everything and everyone.

which is ironic.considering how lonely i feel in smu.
its like i dont think i have someone here i can actually call my friend.no person to act dumb ard or to shop or watch movies and stuff.sometimes i wish i had just stick to my initial decision of gg to nus so tt i can be ard pple i know,stay on campus and enjoy climbing there(trust me i dont enjoy the club over in smu)

its depressing to be so alone.
and its even more depressing when you havent seen or talked to someone you care abt for one week and end up meeting him for dinner today.tts it.dinner,den we went to the mosque to pray and he left to meet the guys.

i'm just feeling very sad tt there's no one i can really turn to when i'm feeling down ):

8:27 AM

Monday, September 18, 2006

ok i am sorry there are cobwebs.i am just too tired ok?
haiz.piano exam tmw.have i practiced today like how i promised myself i would given how fucking bad i am doing in piano now?NO.
i fell asleep.it was intended to be a 5 min nap tt stretched on to an hr!
i usually never nap la people.dont believe me ur prob.i usually cant fall asleep in the afternoon unless i'm tired or smthing.
i didnt even have sch today so why am i so tired?
maybe its cos i'm fasting(still havent finish paying up frm last puasa.boo)
oh well.its almost 4.gonna play till 6,watch simpsons,cook a bit for buka den play a bit more and entertain myself with comedies thruout the night.

i dont fucking care if i fail cos i know i will.

urghhh.

12:52 AM

Sunday, August 13, 2006

i have never gotten into an argument with any of my girlfriends.
cos we probably adore each other so much we dont actually have any reason to argue.
but today its different.
i am like so angry i tell you.
i know i cancelled on you once before.i am sorry.
this time i wasnt cancelling.i was asking you to meet me earlier.
besides,sch is starting for me and ur gg away soon.
but you choose to send me a msg tts like so cold and heartless.
and i had to defend myself and tell you back tt i thought you were wrong.
now its an argument blown out of proportion.
and knowing us,i doubt we'd actually forgive each other cos we're both hard headed.
fuck ok.
my day was great up till now.

8:03 AM

Monday, July 31, 2006

hello world.camps are over.
a lot to say,but too lazy to do it all.if i meet you up,i'd tell you what happened!

so anymore to more NOT SO OLD news,i PASSED DRIVING YEST!like omg wohoo la!got 6 points on my 2nd attempt.4 points for veering off course and 2 points for not signalling in good time.compare tt to my 1st attempt of 30 points and an immediate failure!(woops!)

just msged candee.getting my pay for the interphex exhibition either tmw or wed! (like finally la the fucking thing is like one month overdue)

i wont be able to drive this weekend yet cos my dad wants me to get used to the car and blablabla before he'd let me take it.but oh well there's enuf to keep me happy during the weekend.there's the climbing world cup at expo on sat and sun,and overdrive(read wade robson is there!) on sun at the esplanade.so i shall drop by den!

haha ok i shant be horrid.here are camp pics (:

this one is from the smux camp on mon-wed.we stayed at west coast park and changi beach.activities we did include trekking,night cycling,kayaking,diving and many random stupid games in between

here's from the asoc (accounting society.stop laughing) camp.the only time we got tired was cos we all stayed up to do stupid things in the middle of the night!

too bad i missed this.was away for driving lesson when they had to do this!

that's all loves.will update wen i'm not so sleepy.gg cycling den coming back to play the pianoo!

6:30 PM

Friday, July 21, 2006

i feel damn,damn bad now.
i got into this depressing argument with faisal just now,so wen i got home,all my parents did was to ask me where did i go to,and i yelled at them cos i was very moody.

before i went to bathe,my mom told me off and said tt i shouldnt be rude.

before she went to sleep,she came into my rm and said tt my dad(who was already sleeping) was very hurt by wad i said and tt i shd apologise in the morning.

i suck as a daughter ok.i should be thankful tt my parents,esp my dad,are so nice to me.i just found out from my bro just now tt he has the intentions of getting me a brand new car if i pass driving.all i asked for was a 2nd hand car to drive to sch or wad,but he wants to get me a new one.

why am i being like this?i shouldnt take out my problems on my parents cos of some jackass.

i think i'll just switch off the tv,lappie and lights now and cry in the dark.at least my brother wont ask me why i'm crying wen he comes home later

:(

8:23 AM

Thursday, July 20, 2006

this is not pms.this is me feeling very depressed/angry/frustrated/sad right now.

we planned to go out today after i end my tuition class.
now,he's gg to the rock concert at tj..with the boys i'd rather not mention,and he goes like "oh after ur tution u can come and pass me the vitamins you got for me"( i had to order creatine tablets for him from the supplement warehouse.)

fuck ok.

i just wanted to fucking spend time with him alone.HELLLO.i havent seen you in 3 weeks la.

i was so used to seeing you every single day wen we were in sch

now i gotta get used to seeing you once every three weeks?!

i'm too impatient to handle situations like this.i've got a bad feeling tt if this ends,its cos of me being impatient

fuck la ok.now i got no mood to drive,teach tuition which is omg forever changing the fucking time la.one min this date next min OMG I GOT SOMETHING ON CAN CHANGE.

at times like these i wish i had the opportunity to study overseas and to leave all this bullcrap behind.

8:55 PM

my night just has to go down the drain.i dont get him.he is soo fucking free in camp.they end their activities at 6pm.why cant he call me earlier?why MUST he call 5 mins before lights out and only end up falling asleep during the conversation?its not like this is the first time.every single night its like this.wad's better is tt i didnt talk to him yest cos i was working late and woohoo its out 28th month anniversary today but its not like its any big deal to him.

wen he calls and finally opens his mouth to talk,all he says is "must we go out on friday?"

fuck you la ok.i havent seen you in 3 fucking weeks,i put up with your nonsense of playing hp games and hanging out with the guys at camp rather den to spend some of ur fucking time talking to me and oh maybe finding out how my life has been?!

suddenly,after 20 days,i dont feel excited abt tmw coming.

i think i'd be ok if i didnt have to see him anymore.

so fucking used to being alone again tt all this shit doesnt matter.

now tts why i'm gonna make sure i have fun at camp next week.